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The Holy Text Of The Axolotl God-From His Glory To Your Brain


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#1 nicholas2000

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 02:47 AM

Before mankind existed,

before the oceans gave life,

before the planet was cooled,

before the stars shone in the light,

there was Acuario, where the Axolotl God lived,

and it had been there FOREVER.

 

In Acuario there existed the immortals,

and amongst them was Zammuel,

and on a glorious occasion,

and in a moment of spectacular genius,

Zammuel created PIE,

and He said "THIS IS PIE. IT IS THE BASE OF EVERYTHING, BOTH FLAWED AND PERFECT, AND WITH IT I WILL CREATE ART OF WHICH NONE OF YOU HAVE EVER IMAGINED."

and the others laughed,

but they watched and they worried,

because they had known the time had come for the Axolotl God to prove His superiority.

 

From the PIE he created light,

and from the light he created darkness, because without the darkness the light would not have its balance.

AND THIS WAS THE ONE MISTAKE THE MIGHTY AXOLOTL GOD MADE!

FOR THE DARKNESS WAS OF ITS OWN MIND AND PURPOSE!

 

And from the gray areas between this darkness and light he created man,

and He created them in His image,

but man was rebellious,

and Zammuel was accepting of this,

and so over time man lost his fins,

and changed his image to be that of the primates.

 

And from the most largest of the PIE bases, Zammuel said,

"I WILL CREATE THE BASICS OF LIFE, BUT MY CHILDREN WILL GROW AND ADAPT BY THEMSELVES; FOR I CANNOT HOLD THEIR HANDS IN THE LIGHT FOREVER"

And from this Zammuel watched His creations grow and change,

and when the time was right,

Zammuel left Acuario and the other eGods,

who had grown jealous of His creation,

and let Himself be born into His creation.

 

And here Zammuel noticed,

there was much strife in His world,

and so He created Kazakhstan,

Land of The Pie, and of THE LIGHT,

and it was a GLORIOUS bastion of all that was GOOD,

and all who were lovers of PIE and of True Peace migrated there,

and here Zammuel lived,

and here there was happiness like no other.

 

But the jealous eGods,

and the benevolent Admins,

with the help of the DARKNESS,

banished his beloved Kazakhstan into the mist of temporary nothingness,

and so Zammuel was forced to North Korea,

which was created from a piece of dough.

 

But here there was not happiness,

and here Man was at war with himself the most,

and this war was not in the battlefields,

but in the offices of the country!

And Zammuel said,

"WHY DO YOU WORK AGAINST YOURSELVES, WHEN THE DARKNESS HAS FOUND ITS WAY ON THIS WORLD?"

and here a thousand voices cried out, each with their own explination,

and it was here Zammuel realized that His creation was without guidance,

and that his parenting had been far too lax.

 

AND THUS THE ZAMMUELISTS WERE BORN!

There was Nicholas2000, who had stayed closest to the glorious aquatic image of Zammuel, and who had spread His word the most.

There was Burning Train, the Steward of Zammuel.

There was Lord Moe, the Master of Ceremonies.

And then there was the FOURTH,

and this FOURTH was Andrew Lindsey,

AND HE WAS AMERICAN,

and he was THE GREAT DECEIVER, and of THE DARKNESS.

 

AND SO THE ZAMMUELISTS SPREAD THEIR WORD,

OF THE FORGOTTEN LANDS OF KAZAKHSTAN,

AND THEY SAID: "IT WILL BE RECREATED - AND WHEN IT IS, THE NEW WORLD WILL UNITE UNDER ITS GLORIOUS BANNER"

 

But the WORD was not enough,

and soon The Soviet Union, controlled by the DARKNESS, invaded North Korea,

and the Faithful were driven to Malaysia, the last bastion of THE LIGHT.

 

AND THERE ZAMMUEL SAID,

"THE LIGHT IS WITH US - THEY CAN TAKE OUR LANDS, OUR FAMILIES, OUR LIVES - BUT FOREVER THERE WILL BE PIE"

And there was much REJOICING, for Zammuelists had found their real home-away-from home,

where the Axolotls roamed free,

and the people saw the LIGHT better than any other except for the Kazakhs,

and there the Zammuelists awaited until KAZAKHSTAN would be remade.

 

KAZAKHSTAN IS THE LAND OF THE PIE

THE PROMISED LAND OF THE ZAMMUELISTS

THE TRUEST BASTION OF LIGHT

THE HOME OF THE CREATOR

WORSHIP IT

FEAR IT

BUT UNDERSTAND IT

FOR IT WILL ONE DAY BE ALL

FOR IT IS OF PIE

AND PIE IS ALL


Edited by nicholas2000, 16 August 2013 - 02:48 AM.

  • Pertazeta, Gorith Nickshiluth and Blokeman like this

Glorious Hypnotoad of Righteousness


#2 Gorith Nickshiluth

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 02:49 AM

Praise PIE! Praise Khazakstan! Praise Zammuel!

 

Animated-Flag-Kazakhstan.gif


I'm Vahir. Refer me as such.

 

 

What to do if you have a mobile phone flying towards you at relativistic speeds: think of how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far (which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely): think of how lucky you are that it won't be bothering you much longer.

#3 Lord Moe

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 04:56 AM

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#4 Pertazeta

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 10:57 AM

ZAMMUEL

 

 

AXOLOTL

 

 

GOD

 

Animated-Flag-Kazakhstan.gif



#5 Minakami Suoh

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 11:18 AM

Needs more Dio Brando.



#6 Flaco Jimenez

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 11:26 AM

Still a better love story than Twilight. 


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To a kid lookin' up to me , Life ain't nothin but bitches and money. 

Warrior/Poet: Ice Cube. 


#7 Pertazeta

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Posted 28 June 2017 - 11:24 PM

Posted 16 August 2013 - 12:57 PM

ZAMMUEL

 

 

AXOLOTL

 

 

GOD

 

Animated-Flag-Kazakhstan.gif






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